Childless by Choice: Love. Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness is a proposed book on an insider’s inquiry into the childfree marriage. Facing the end of her childbearing years in a childless by choice marriage, author Laura S. Scott surveyed over 170 voluntarily childless individuals in United States and Canada to determine why and how they came to the decision to remain childfree.
Scott spent over three years traveling North America in search of sociologists, demographers, historians, childfree couples and affinity groups to learn exactly why more and more couples are coming to the conclusion that “matching pairs beat a full house.”
Childless by Choice: Love, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness, Scott’s amusing and introspective narrative of what she came to call the “Childless by Choice Project” reveals the process, the ideals, the rationales and the reality of what happens when parenthood moves from an assumption to a decision.
Designed to serve the undecided, the childless by choice or circumstance, and all those who have a stake in how we define “family,” Childless by Choice: Love, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness offers an accessible point of entry into the exploration of the childfree marriage—from the inside out.
Seal Press, a member of the Perseus Books Group, will publish Childless by Choice. If you would like to be notified when this book is published, Click here. |
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Are you Childless by Choice? Share your story!
If you have an interesting story about your decision to remain childless/childfree or you would like to share your experience of living childfree, please Click Here and tell us your story in 600 words or less. Your story may be featured on this web page or included in the book.
How Should We Refer to
the Voluntarily Childless?
Are we childless, childless by choice, child-free, childfree, or childfree by choice?
It depends... Those who prefer to identify themselves as "childfree" rightly point out that the word "childless" implies an absence, a void, or "less-ness." Childfree is a more positive term and it allows us to make the distinction between the childless by circumstance and the childless by choice.
The difference between the two is mostly self-definition. If you are without children by intention, then you might consider yourself to be "childfree" or "childfree by choice." If you are without a child because of circumstance rather than choice, you might more accurately describe yourself as childless.
I say "might" because I have had the pleasure of meeting couples who wanted children, struggled through infertility, and came to describe themselves as "childfree." I also know couples who are happily without children who prefer to describe themselves as "childless by choice"—myself included. The reason I have chosen to describe myself as such is because "child-free" can imply judgment; that what you are free from is bad for you, based on our common usage of the terms sugar-free or smoke-free. I remove the hyphen from child-free in an attempt to neutralize that association. It's a useful trick when writing about the childfree but useless in conversation.
I think we need to acknowledge that in a pronatalist society, child-free can sometimes be a loaded term. It can imply more than we intend, inviting people to assume motives—like dislike of children—which may not apply to some who are using the term as a way to communicate their well-being. Child-free also implies a type of lifestyle that may not be an accurate description of the lives of some of the childless by choice persons I have interviewed: teachers, childcare workers, and those who choose to welcome other people’s kids into their lives.
Childfree is probably the most widely adopted and politically-correct term in common usage at this time. However, I would recommend journalists ask the person they are interviewing what their preference is and describe them as such. Personally, I would like to see the adoption of the term childfree without the hyphen and without any assumptions about motives or the suggestion that childfree is a lifestyle, a movement, or an effort to advocate a childfree life.
… Laura S. Scott
© Copyright 2006 |
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Lili and Mario: Mexican and Childfree by Choice
Mario and Lili are Mexican nationals. Both have felt the pressure and stigma that often comes with the choice to remain childfree. Married for five years, they get asked, "And you, when?" which is Mexican shorthand for "When are you having children?" Mario explains: "For the man, being a parent is a proof of how 'man' he is. [In the Mexican culture] men are expected to actively seek to pass on the family name." Parenthood is seen as the "normal life stage." They tried, once, to have a child and after a year they sought fertility help, but ruled it out. After some "heart to heart" conversations, they decided to remain childless, by choice. Both have busy lives focused on their careers and their interests, which include antique cars, off-roading, and travel. In the course of pursuing their hobbies, they have found a few childfree friends and some parents who share their interests, "We both like intelligent conversations with people who, despite having children, have a wider world and not child-centered lives." Not that they avoid children. Mario has a strong relationship with a niece; a friend's son calls him Dad 2. But the perception remains: "We are seen as freaks, or child-haters," says Mario.
Lili has struggled more with the "social pressure," and the misunderstandings about their choice to remain childfree than has Mario, but both feel that parenthood should be "a choice not an obligation."
© Copyright 2007
Where's the Blog?
You might have noticed we
don't have a blog.
That's because Laura S. Scott
is currently a contributing
editor for a childfree
blog called Purple Women
and Friends.
If you would like to check out this
flame-free blog, click on the bar.
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